


you and i

by ksmalltalk



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Book Signing, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mini Road Trip, Mutual Pining, Rekindling, Second Chances, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, book nerd!buck, soft!buddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27047080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ksmalltalk/pseuds/ksmalltalk
Summary: Eddie surprises his ex-boyfriend with a trip out of town to meet one of his favorite authors but unexpected car trouble waylays the two, leaving them no other option but to stay the night in San Diego. Left alone in a room together over one night, Eddie is forced to confront feelings he's been trying to keep buried.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 197





	you and i

**Author's Note:**

  * For [talk_too_much](https://archiveofourown.org/users/talk_too_much/gifts).



> happy birthday to my darling alie! i hope you like this fic and enjoy your special day! 💕💜
> 
> set to the song you and i by pvris, a personal fave of mine!

_We can meet in the middle  
_ Bodies and souls collide  
 _Dance in the moonlight  
_ When all the stars align

There are few people Eddie would drive six hours for on a Friday afternoon but with one goal in mind, for one person in particular, the journey— he knew— would be well worth it.

Putting a label on what Buck was to him now was a difficult thing to do. They were exes. They were friends. They were co-workers. But they were so much more than all of that combined. Those titles did not begin to tell the story of what Buck meant to him. But finding the words, let alone saying them out loud was just as futile a task as trying to parse through what he felt each time Buck so much as said his name.

Eddie’s feelings were many and varied and he wasn’t particularly skilled at speaking his mind. But what he could do was show a person what they meant to him and today would be no different.

Six hours behind the wheel was exhausting but it was worth each and every second to see the look on Buck’s as he pulled up to Mysterious Galaxy Bookstore in San Diego.

Buck had stared for a moment up at the shop. A line was starting to form.

“You drove us six hours to go to a bookstore? There are so many great ones back in L.A.,” he said, confusion coloring his tone and features.

“True but none of them are doing an in-store signing with Andy Weir today, now are they?”

Eddie had thought Buck short-circuited with the way the man held his breath, jaw slacked, and eyes unblinking for a moment.

“No. No way,” he finally said, tearing his eyes away from Eddie and swiveling back to look at the store. He’d craned his neck a bit closer to the glass, taking notice of the poster in the store's window advertising for Andy’s latest novel.

“Eddie,” he breathed, shaking his head. “Are you serious right now?”

“Like you said, I drove us six hours. Do you think I’m kidding?” he laughed. “Come on, let’s grab a spot in line before it turns into a complete zoo out here.”

Eddie had gone into the backseat and retrieved an item he’d hidden back there this whole time. He came around to where Buck anxiously stood on the sidewalk

“I wish I had my—,” he started to say but stopped short as Eddie held out Buck’s personal copy of _The Martian_.

“I may or may not have nicked it off you the last time I was over at your place.”

Buck took the book from him and smiled so brightly it made Eddie’s heart ache. To be able to make Buck smile like that even after they called it quits felt like a gift.

“Unbelievable, thank you,” he remarked holding on closely to the well-loved book.

Eddie knew how much he loved it, so much so that Buck had made it a goal to get Eddie hooked on the novel. Buck was a huge fan of Weir’s but had unfortunately missed out on his signing back home due to work. Eddie had happened across an ad online promoting Andy’s new book and had clicked around to see more about it, the author’s name etched into his mind thanks to Buck’s repeated mentions.

Watching Buck get the chance to meet his favorite author and chat briefly was something he would never forget and Eddie knew for a fact that Buck never would either. Eddie had stood off to the side, taking pictures of Buck with the author, practically beaming with Buck as the writer expressed how happy he was to see Buck’s well-loved copy of his first novel. Buck’s copy had tabs and annotations in the margins. There was no doubt that he’d read the novel repeatedly.

As they leave the store now, Buck’s happiness just seems to roll off of him in waves, the edges of it reaching Eddie until he’s consumed entirely by it as well. It’s something to relish in. 

In the car Buck still clings to his books as if they're a lifeline of some kind. Eddie looks at him for a moment, a perfect snapshot of the man he loves reveling in the high of a perfect day before he starts the engine and merges with traffic. 

“I still can’t believe you did this for me, Eds,” Buck reveres, staring down at the books in his hands. He opens up to the title page once more where his name is scribbled alongside Andy’s message and signature.

Eddie pulls his gaze back to the road, Buck’s enthusiasm rubbing off on him as he smiles to himself. It does something to his heart to see Buck this happy, moreover to know that he’s the cause of that joy. It’s a comfort to know he’s capable of such a thing. 

“I know how bummed you were when you missed his L.A. stop and he’s your favorite. It only seemed right. It was nothing.”

“Wrong. So wrong, Eddie. It’s everything. Thank you,” Buck says as they pull up to a red light.

Eddie takes advantage of this short reprieve to look over at Buck again. He feels that all too familiar twinge in his heart that he always does when he stares into Buck’s eyes for even a second too long. All those feelings he tries so hard to stifle live so close to the surface. Eddie feels like it’s a full-time job trying to keep them at bay. Times like this really put him to the test, especially when he can see something mirrored back in Buck’s expression. If he was a braver man, he would ask but fear is a worthy adversary and Eddie is left with no other option than to concede defeat.

He offers up a small smile before pressing his foot against the pedal the moment the light turns green. It serves as the perfect break to the trance.

“I will get you to read _The Martian_ one day, if it’s the last thing I do,” Buck jokingly warns.

“I’ll watch the movie and we’ll call it even.”

Buck scoffs and falls silent again. Eddie can hear the rustling of the book’s pages as Buck combs through it once again. The ease to which they’ve always been able to move around each other is something that Eddie will never grow tired of. Considering the fact that they’re no longer together, he’s even more grateful for the fact that they’ve been able to maintain a close relationship.

Far too often Eddie is wracked with guilt and doubt over his decision to end things. They hadn’t even been official long before he broke them up. He had surrendered to fear and succumbed to the voice in the back of his head that told him he wasn’t good enough, that he would inevitably find a way to screw things up. He felt Buck deserved better and had decided to set him free.

It’s a moment in his life that Eddie revisits constantly. He remembers with stunning clarity the way Buck’s face had fallen when Eddie had him over that night to talk. Eddie had been selfishly glad when Buck said he wanted to remain friends. He wasn’t sure how that would work or if it was simply Buck trying to ease the tension but it’s been a few months now and they’re still so tight-knit. Eddie knows how lucky he is for it, that so many people in his shoes would simply just miss out on maintaining any connection to their ex.

Eddie never wants to lose this. He isn’t sure how he’d be expected to carry on if he didn’t, at the very least, have Buck in his corner as a friend. But he also knows that he will always long for what they had. It might not have lasted long but the feelings they both had were quite real and serious. They’d had a solid friendship before getting together, one built on love and trust. It made dating seem like the only logical next step but Eddie had retreated.

He tries not to think about that now. Dwelling on his missteps never leads to anything good. He opts to focus instead on the fact that he’s still able to bring a smile to Buck’s face and do something special for him.

Eddie has only been driving for about thirty minutes when smoke begins to billow from the hood. He turns on his indicator, pulling over onto the side of the road.

“Just great,” he mutters as he kills the engine, unbuckling his seatbelt and exiting the car. He heads to the front and unlatches the hood, fanning the smoke away from his face as he peers inside.

Buck is right beside him seconds later, trying to gauge what’s the matter. Eddie leaves him to investigate; between the two of them, Buck is the more mechanical one. Eddie watches with furrowed brows as Buck pokes around for a bit, tracking a bead of sweat as it races down the side of Buck’s neck and disappears into the collar of his shirt. Eddie quickly shifts his focus. The priority right now is tending to his vehicle, not getting distracted by his ex. It’s far easier said than done as Buck stands back and wipes at his brow. He looks particularly rugged, his fitted t-shirt hugging his frame just so. It’s enough to make Eddie’s throat feel dry.

Eddie reins himself back in, all too glad when Buck speaks so that his thoughts can get back on track.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I think we’re going to have to call this one in,” he says with a sigh. “Looks to me like you’ve got a cracked cylinder.”

Eddie purses his lips but nods, taking his phone out of his pocket and pulling up the number for a local car service. He explains the situation they’re in to the man on the phone who assures him that he’ll get a tow truck out to their location as quickly as possible.

“And now we wait,” he says to Buck, heading back to the car to take a seat.

Buck is grinning as he settles back into the passenger seat.

“And I know just how you can kill the time,” he replies, holding up his tattered copy of _The Martian_.

Eddie jokingly groans but takes the novel from a smug Buck before turning to the first page. The opening line couldn’t be more accurate to how he feels about being stuck on the side of the road with an ex-boyfriend he’s still very much in love with:

_I’m pretty much fucked._

He steals a glance at Buck but quickly sees there’s no reason for him to try and be covert. Buck is already engulfed by his new book. Eddie can’t help but to silently observe him, taking notice of the way Buck’s whole demeanor changes when he’s relaxed and zeroed in on the task of reading. It’s such a familiar expression and once again, it makes Eddie feel wistful for their relationship. How many nights had he spent in bed beside Buck, nose in a book swearing that he just needed to finish off a chapter before turning off the light? It’d always been endearing to see Buck in his element, soaking up as much from a story as he could before calling it a night.

If Eddie could go back in time and stop himself from ending things, he would in a heartbeat. At times Eddie would get the crazy idea in mind that he should just tell Buck he’s made a mistake, that he wants for them to try again. But to do so would be to disrupt the balance they’ve been able to find and maintain for themselves.

He can’t risk that nor would he place Buck in the awkward position of being put on the spot. This was Eddie’s error and he has already resigned himself to the fact that he’ll just have to live with the consequences of his decision.

They sit in a silence so comfortable for so long that Eddie has made significant progress on the book by the time their tow truck arrives. Buck’s copy is so dog-eared and well-worn that Eddie has to use a random receipt from the center console to mark his place. Buck reluctantly sets aside his new book, careful to put it back inside of the bookstore bag to keep it protected before hopping out.

Eddie climbs out of the car yet again too and greets the mechanic. The man gives the engine the onceover and confirms Buck’s theory.

“Can you fix it here?” Eddie asks. They’re hours behind schedule and the last thing he wants is to be delayed any further by having to go down to the shop.

“No, ‘fraid not. I can take it in overnight and let you know in the morning or early afternoon.”

Eddie blows out a breath and runs an impatient hand through his hair but Buck doesn’t seem bothered by the sudden change in plans at all.

“Is there somewhere nearby that we can crash for the night?” he asks.

“There’s a motel just up the road there. I can drop you fellas off and give you a call tomorrow when your car’s ready,” the mechanic says.

“Works for me,” Buck replies with an indifferent shrug. “I like a good adventure.”

That was one of the things Eddie had grown to love most about Buck. His optimism could almost be blind but it meant he chose to see good in people and situations. That was a trait Eddie would always respect. Looking on the bright side wasn’t always easy for him but with Buck, he had learned how to let the light in. That kind of thing left its mark on a person and Eddie’s life hasn’t been the same, in the best ways imaginable. But holding on to good wasn’t a skill Eddie had ever truly mastered, even when he had someone so perfect for him right within his grasp.

He fights the thought from lingering now. He’s spent the last few months falling down that spiral and it’s yet to assuage him of the regret he feels.

Instead, he follows after Buck to the car to grab their stuff before piling into the cab of the tow truck.

This evening isn’t going at all like Eddie envisioned; the last thing he pictured for either of them was being smushed in the front section of a tow truck or having to stay overnight in San Diego. But life, he knew better than most, seldom went according to plan. What mattered most was that this day was still special for Buck and wasn’t overshadowed by the sudden turn of events.

The mechanic drops them off at the motel and Eddie trades contact information with him before thanking him and parting ways.

“Do you think we should have called ahead to make sure they even have rooms available?” Eddie asks, suddenly realizing the gamble they are taking.

“Maybe but I’m sure it’ll be fine. If they don’t have any vacancies, we can always try somewhere else. Come on.”

Eddie nods and follows Buck inside. As far as off the road motels go, this one isn’t too sketchy which comes as a mild comfort to Eddie. Their night is already feeling like some kind of parody. 

He marches to the receptionist counter where a middle aged man is writing something down on a notepad.

“Hi, excuse me,” Eddie greets. “Would you happen to have any rooms available for the night?”

The man looks up and glances between Eddie and Buck. “For you two?”

Eddie stands up a bit straighter. “Yes.”

“Lucky you; I’ve only got one free one left. Everything else is booked up solid.”

Eddie sighs in relief. “That’s perfect. We’ll take it.”

He hands over his card for the man to charge before taking it back and the key he hands to him for their room. Eddie leads them both over to their room, toying with the motel keychain attached. It’s silly to feel nervous when he’s spent so much time around Buck but he hadn’t been planning on spending the night with him like this. The plan was to just drive straight through, maybe trade off if he felt tired and let Buck bring them back to Los Angeles. Nowhere on the itinerary did he expect to be sharing a room with his ex.

Eddie opens the door to the room once they arrive and falters for a moment. He retraces his conversation with the receptionist, suddenly realizing he hadn’t been clear in seeing if the room had two beds. When the man asked if they would be sharing the space, Eddie realizes now that the clerk hadn’t been prying or being standoffish. He must have assumed that Eddie and Buck were a couple who wouldn’t have any qualms about sharing a bed.

He steps further inside and drops his bag down on the floor at the foot of the bed, staring at it as if it’s something he has to decode. He then looks to Buck to see if he’s just as taken aback as he is but he can’t detect any unease or discomfort at the situation they’ve now found themselves in. They haven’t shared a bed in months, not since they broke up and Eddie doesn’t know if this is pushing boundaries.

“I can take the floor or see if they can bring up a cot or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t bite you know,” Buck teases. But Eddie’s face heats up thinking about all the times that wasn’t true when they both got carried away in bed. Buck must realize the inaccuracy same as Eddie because he laughs and says, “Well, not always, anyway.”

Eddie laughs in spite of himself and shakes his head, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

“Alright. If you’re cool with it then I am, too.”

Buck smiles reassuringly at him before setting his duffle bag on top of the bed and scrounging around for a change of clothes. He manages to find something and Eddie lets out a breath when Buck takes his findings to the bathroom to get changed for bed. 

_This is going to be a long night_ , Eddie thinks to himself as he follows Buck’s lead and grabs a change of clothes for himself. He makes quick work of swapping out his jeans for pajama bottoms. As he’s tugging down his new t-shirt he hears a small creaking sound of a door to the left of him. 

“Sorry,” Buck mumbles where he stands frozen in the doorway of the bathroom, pulling his gaze away from Eddie’s frame.

Eddie stays in place, rooted to his spot as well. “You’re fine.” 

He wonders at how long Buck may have been standing there but he casts the thought aside. It’s ridiculous to think that he could have still have that effect on Buck. What they had was over and done with. It didn’t matter if his heart still wanted Buck, if every part of him still longed for his ex. He wouldn’t drag Buck back when they already agreed to move forward.

Buck taps his fingers soundlessly against his thigh before he joins Eddie in the main space of the room.

There’s an odd energy between them now, living in the silence that cloaks the room. Eddie can feel the weight of it pressing against him but he has to wonder if it’s just all in his head. 

“We should get some sleep. With luck we’ll be able to get out of here early,” he says with a small yawn.

It’s been an extremely long day of driving all the way up from L.A. and the thought of closing his eyes and getting decent rest sounds appealing. But once again he looks at the bed they’re going to have to share and suddenly his fatigue dissipates.

“You’re right, yeah.” 

Buck braves climbing into bed first, taking a spot on the left side of the mattress, his usual place in bed. Just the familiarity of that makes Eddie feel nervous but to dawdle would be to raise suspicion and the last thing he wants is to make Buck feel as if he can’t be around him.

Eddie shuts off the bedside light as he lays on top the covers. His mind is a storm sending his thoughts crashing around his head. It’s all so loud and disorienting, so much so that all Eddie can do is stare up ahead at the darkened ceiling above him and wait for it to pass.

He doesn't hear the usual soft sounds of Buck’s breathing, the telltale sign that sleep has found him. He knows what this means, that beside him Buck is wide awake too. He wonders about what Buck could be thinking of. A part of him— all of him, truthfully— is hoping that Buck is awake now for the same reasons he is. There’s so much on the tip of his tongue that’s been trying to come out. But for months now, Eddie has been able to hide it safely behind friendly smiles. It’s been taking its toll though and now, laying beside Buck, being close enough to feel the warmth of his body, it feels like he only has seconds left on the clock before this little game is over.

“Are you awake?” Buck asks.

Eddie sits up a bit and turns on the lamp before shifting to see Buck.

“What’s on your mind?”

Buck turns his head to look at him. All Eddie can do is stare silently, studying the features he’s long since grown accustomed to. It’s how he knows there’s a hesitancy in Buck’s eyes, that there’s something he wants to say but isn’t sure how to.

“I’m just thinking about how awesome today has been.”

“You mean car trouble and impromptu overnight stay aside?”

Buck laughs softly. “Maybe even more because of it. I actually wasn’t ready to go back home yet. I really like having this time with you.”

Buck holds his gaze and Eddie’s traitorous heart beats faster at the implication of these words.

“Yeah, me too. I wanted today to be special. You deserve that. I’m glad you had a good time.”

Buck opens his mouth to speak but just sighs instead, casting his gaze downward to where Eddie’s hand rests in the small space between them. Eddie holds his breath to see what his ex will do, silently praying for some kind of contact, some kind of sign that Buck wants to get closer too. Eddie knows he can’t be alone in feeling this pull.

Silently Buck places his hand over Eddie’s and gives it a soft, barely there squeeze.

“It means more to me than I think you’ll ever know. The fact that you went out of your way like that...I don’t know. I’m just lucky to have you,” Buck says. “I mean, as a friend. I’m uh, I’m really...um, grateful.”

Buck frowns a bit to himself and it’s obvious to Eddie that there’s more Buck wants to say. If Buck could be brave enough to breach the conversation that’s apparently long overdue, Eddie knows he can be too and take the baton from Buck and continue this race.

“Friends, right.”

Eddie clears his throat and braces himself for what he’s about to say. Jumping in headfirst is terrifying but if it leads to complete transparency and the chance at speaking honestly, Eddie decides it’s more than worth it.

“I don’t think we’ve ever really gone back to being friends. At least I know I haven’t, not completely. You know, sometimes I’d think it’d be easier if I could just move on from this. But I know how lucky I was. I don’t ever want to forget what we had or how it felt to be loved by you,” Eddie says boldly, cutting right to the chase.

The weight of the truth off his chest is an instant relief though, quickly in its place, comes the worry that he’s said too much too soon. With him it always seems to be all or nothing, one extreme or the other. But Eddie feels that he’s been quiet for too long about this as it is. These last few months have been torture with the true nature of his feelings eating away at him. Now isn’t the time to cower anymore.

There’s something about being out of Los Angeles and miles away from home that makes him feel brave, as if he and Buck are somehow on a different plane of existence. Whatever is spoken now is truly just between the two of them now. There isn’t any concern of anyone coming along and interrupting. True to form, with Buck he can be his full self. He can be candid and vulnerable with him in a way he would never even dream of letting his guard down around anyone else.

“Past tense,” Buck notes quietly. “You say that as if I’m somehow over you.”

This comment catches Eddie off guard and he knows it must show in his face from the way Buck smiles at him.

“Are you really surprised by that? I didn’t want us to break up. I just respected the fact that you weren’t ready just yet. That didn’t mean I stopped caring about you in that way. I could never.”

“I’m sorry I got scared,” Eddie says, intertwining their fingers and pulling Buck’s hand to his chest.

Buck shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize; I’ve never been upset with you. It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Eddie cups Buck’s face with his free hand, watching the way his stunning blue eyes drift closed, lashes casting shadows on the apples of his cheeks. Another snapshot from this already perfect day: the sight of Buck in what could only be described as bliss from his touch. Eddie takes in Buck’s expression, the softness of his face, the openness and trust being expressed here.

In a word, it’s perfect. And in this moment, it’s his.

Eddie leans in tentatively and Buck’s eyes open once again, tracking Eddie’s movement, his lips parting in anticipation. Eddie breathes him in as he closes the distance, allowing himself to free fall right into this kiss.

He strokes Buck’s cheek with the pad of his thumb, tracing the contours of his face like a sculptor. This moment is a masterpiece and Eddie wants to give it the time and care that it rightfully deserves.

Buck matches his pace, his mouth roving over Eddie’s with such ease. This is nothing new to them and yet in some capacity this feels different. Second chances don’t come around often too often for Eddie but this time around, he’s certain he can get it right. These last few months without this level of access to Buck had been trying. So many weeks stretched out before him, each day fading a memory of what he once had.

Kissing Buck now is like breathing new life into him. The void that had taken up residency in the center of him is being filled with each touch, each soft sound leaving Buck and being entrusted with him. Eddie kisses him back deeply, letting go of all those fears that plagued him before, that he would somehow turn out to be the opposite of what Buck wanted. This man was very clearly choosing him, and has deemed him worth the time it took to wait for Eddie to finally accept a good thing that was being presented to him.

Now that they’ve crossed this threshold, there’s no turning back and that’s precisely how Eddie wants it.

Eddie pulls away to draw in a clean breath after a few moments, his chest heaving. Buck’s face is flushed, his lips slightly swollen and upturned in an almost embarrassed smile but Eddie doesn’t think he has any reason to be bashful. He leans in once more and places a gentle kiss on Buck’s lips, feeling the smile wipe away as Buck grows serious and wraps his arms around Eddie, holding him tightly.

This day has turned into something he couldn’t have ever seen coming but Eddie knows one thing to be true:

The safest place he could ever dwell is right here in Buck’s heart.


End file.
